I think somewhere along the course of my life I lost my way. The marriage and family way to be clear. Two days from now, May 16, 2017, will mark my fourth wedding anniversary. Up until two days ago, I blamed GOD for not feeling HIS blessing on it. I realized after counseling Thursday that I’d never really chosen my husband. I mean, really chose him. For four years I pretty much felt that he and GOD chose me, but that I didn’t have say. These feelings then led to doubt who insisted that her friends rejection, anger, resentment, disappointment, and discontentment come over for a visit. I looked at my marriage to Hosea as an arranged marriage, something someone unbeknownst to me-chose for me. I, in turn associated everything that came with arrangement as a chore, including my children. My prayer to GOD was always, AM I IN YOUR WILL because it didn’t feel like it. So fast forward to last Thursday. I’m speaking with my counselor and he shared with me that love is an act and true love in marriage is demonstrated not in the beautiful fragrance of the honeymoon phase, but in the commitment to remain in the marriage when you fall out of love with your spouse, when you don’t like them, when finances are disrupted, when you disagree about the children, when you fail to live up to your end of the bargain, and when you’re just plain tired of the climb. It’s on that mountain of isolation that you must choose to love. I’m not sure at what point I chose NOT to love, but I know I did. I never gave my husband a fighting chance. He had already lost at starting line. I never chose him-not once. I can’t imagine what these four years must have been like for him and my children. I was so busy praying to know GOD’S will that I missed living it each day. I can’t get that time back. My obsession to be obedient led to my disobedience.
Today, however, I can rejoice! Hallelujah and glory to GOD! I choose to live beautiful, blessed days with a wonderful husband who has loved me with all of his heart. He truly exemplifies in love with a commitment that our Heavenly Father would be proud of. Today, I prayerfully open my eyes to my reality rather than chasing a fantasy. Today, I choose my husband as a new bride before GOD on her wedding day. Today I take MHS as my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward and even forevermore.