What God has taught me in the course of a year is praiseworthy. I initially started this blog as a journal of how I felt (and I felt a lot-all the time) about marriage and my husband and myself. I guess as time has gone on I’ve learned that marriage is the hardest earthly relationship I will ever have.
I’m not perfect and most days that reflects in the choices I make, but to have asked another imperfect person to live up to my perfect expectations was daunting for me and him. God taught me a few things so grab a seat and take read. There’s a lot so I’m breaking this up into a few posts.
- My role in this marriage is not about me.
I got married for me. That’s hard to admit, but it’s my truth. I got married because I wanted to be this wife that was perfect. I wanted a better life, but when we got home it seemed I was everything BUT perfect. My flaws began to surface like pimples during puberty! I mean, I looked to the right and I was doing something wrong. I looked to the left and yep, that wasn’t right either. I just couldn’t get wife right. You know what I mean? I know part of it had to do with me not having wife training. My mother married late in life. The other part was I was operating within my own will, strength, power, prayer, desires, etc. Don’t get wrong, God was a part of it, but not THE part of it. He wasn’t my focus. He was my backup plan. I would say, “Ok, God that didn’t work. What can I try next?” Then I would scurry off to another self help book on marriage or the internet. Those were my go to’s on any given day. I think I spent the majority of my first and second year of marriage living someone else’s opinion of what my marriage should be.
So how did I learn the lesson? Well, as I continued on my journey to master the role of a wife I got real tired. It began taking it’s toll on my health and attitude (I was sick for over a year, just recently diagnosed with prediabetes and anemia).
I remember praying one morning a few months ago. I asked God to change me because He was the only person I knew that really had that Power. Not me, not a self help book, not the internet, not my husband. I realized all those things were mastering me. I said, “If being in Your word can change minds, hearts and lives then I’m ready to try it. I give all this to You and I will read and study everyday.” That’s when He shared these verses with me:
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2
Do nothing our of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others. Philippians 2:3-4
The reality of my life was I was centering it all on me. It wasn’t about God or my husband. My faith was placed in me. I was not a servant. Heck, I spent so much time reading and researching there wasn’t time to serve, be gentle, humble or patient. During that time I was always defeated, sad, disappointed, angry, and out of control. But oh when He stepped in! He reminded me of His simplest requests. Surrender and Service. This marriage is not about me. It is about God and my husband’s heart and soul. I am here to help him meet Christ and the daily needs of this life. I am here to serve.