Just For Today

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I love the LORD with all my heart! HE is right! I am an imperfect woman and I have been joyfully called to love an imperfect man. HE is growing me up to teach my children and leave legacies for their children on how to love and cherish your spouse. I woke up today with a surrendered heart, open to share.

I was vulnerable with my husband this morning and it was freeing. I didn’t hesitate, I didn’t reclaim the statement, I wasn’t defensive, and I didn’t have any doubtful thoughts right after. Wow! What a blessing! I don’t deserve anything that GOD does for me. I don’t deserve HIS favor or anointing and I am so grateful when HE shares it. I want to be ever mindful and present to see HIS presence in me everyday.

My prayer is this…Thank YOU for this vulnerability. Thank YOU for showing me that it’s safe to have an open heart because trusting YOU is good. Thank YOU for showing me what walking heart led in marriage looks like. Thank YOU for today. Thank YOU for my husband. Don’t let the work stop. I’m open and willing to grow and receive YOUR power. With all my love, in JESUS’ name. Amen

I’m Worth WHAT?!

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Yes it is!

What an amazing piece of information. To know that my worth is not based on the job that I have, the kind of wife and mother I am, the number of friends I have, or the way that I look from day to day, or any other worldly ideal I attach myself to. My FATHER in heaven determined my worth long before I was even thought of. HE made sure that the life I lived would ultimately lead me back to HIS one true vision of HIS daughter. You are loved, your are covered, your are beautiful and you are worth it.

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I was recently told that how I see my self worth directly reflects how I love my husband. I was asked the question, “Can you pretend like you are crazy mad in love with your husband for 8 days?” “Pretend to the point that it is how you truly see him?” I thought about it and it sounded nice and like a fun experiment, but the reality was and is that I questioned it’s validity. Why would I do such a selfless act for someone else and why aren’t men asked to love hard and free for a certain amount of time? It was in those questions I was told that until I understood, accepted, and walked in my glorious worth I would love up to a point. was told I would continue to live the life of a I’ll do that, but I won’t do that for anyone, not even him type of wife.For me it would always be, “Well yes, I can do it, but once something (a word, statement, facial expression) triggered my doubts I would immediately cut the love short. It all made sense and it all hurt. I want to be the wife God calls all women to be.

I mean it makes the statement, “In order to love someone else, you have to love yourself,” a truth for me. In order for me to deem my husband worthy of my complete love, I have to deem myself worthy of GOD’s love. Isn’t that something we all struggle with from time to time. Wondering how a GOD of infinite power could consider us priceless. We can rest assured that HIS words are true.fearfully

So my challenge begins. First to become one with my worthiness and second to love on my husband until he becomes nauseous! I pray GOD’s strength, courage, favor and victory for my journey.

Really DAD?

woodshed2This morning I awoke to the gentle, refined discipline of the FATHER.  It was a soft, warm and loving nudge that reminded me of my continued disobedience with regards to my husband. Each night he comes home and the children are already in bed, the house is shut down for the most part and I’m sitting somewhere quiet unwinding and taking time for me. I take my “me” very seriously as I spend 12+ hours a day with a 1 year old and 6 year old. The need to zone out at the end of the day is overwhelming. Well, last night, GOD was clear about me attending to my husband. He clearly asked me to put down the colored pencil, turn off the iPad, straighten up the living room and go to him. I did not. I wrestled with the instruction, I negotiated with the instruction, I complained about the instruction, I did not yield to the instruction and today like a loving FATHER does, HE has called me out.

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I recently went to see a good friend and counselor. During our conversation he advised me that GOD does not discipline us out of vengeance or anger. He explained that the GOD of love disciplines us to grow us, to bear fruit within our lives, and to instruct us. Honestly, I never looked at HIM that way. I studied the life of Moses last year and the heartache HE felt over the children of Israel and having to discipline them was real. I guess that has always been the way I see GOD, that HE will punish you when you are disobedient. Not out of love but out of anger and spite. It wasn’t hard to let go of my misconceptions, I mean I want to know HIM intimately and to know HIM is to accept HIM in all HIS wonderful ways.

So at the end of this day, I accept HIS reprimand for my selfishness. The “me” I seek to feed and acknowledge everyday. The “me” that says, “I deserve some me time,” “I’ve been with the kids all day,” “why do I have to stop to take care of another individual.” The “me” that has to die daily, every second of each minute to be the woman, the wife and the mother GOD the FATHER has destined me to be does willingly yield to thee.

This is my prayer… Father in heaven, the GOD above all. I confess my sin of disobedience to YOU. I confess that I didn’t yield to YOUR Holy guidance by taking care of YOUR son. I was selfish. Please forgive me and I repent of my wrongdoing. In JESUS’ name. Amen.

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