This morning I awoke to the gentle, refined discipline of the FATHER. It was a soft, warm and loving nudge that reminded me of my continued disobedience with regards to my husband. Each night he comes home and the children are already in bed, the house is shut down for the most part and I’m sitting somewhere quiet unwinding and taking time for me. I take my “me” very seriously as I spend 12+ hours a day with a 1 year old and 6 year old. The need to zone out at the end of the day is overwhelming. Well, last night, GOD was clear about me attending to my husband. He clearly asked me to put down the colored pencil, turn off the iPad, straighten up the living room and go to him. I did not. I wrestled with the instruction, I negotiated with the instruction, I complained about the instruction, I did not yield to the instruction and today like a loving FATHER does, HE has called me out.
I recently went to see a good friend and counselor. During our conversation he advised me that GOD does not discipline us out of vengeance or anger. He explained that the GOD of love disciplines us to grow us, to bear fruit within our lives, and to instruct us. Honestly, I never looked at HIM that way. I studied the life of Moses last year and the heartache HE felt over the children of Israel and having to discipline them was real. I guess that has always been the way I see GOD, that HE will punish you when you are disobedient. Not out of love but out of anger and spite. It wasn’t hard to let go of my misconceptions, I mean I want to know HIM intimately and to know HIM is to accept HIM in all HIS wonderful ways.
So at the end of this day, I accept HIS reprimand for my selfishness. The “me” I seek to feed and acknowledge everyday. The “me” that says, “I deserve some me time,” “I’ve been with the kids all day,” “why do I have to stop to take care of another individual.” The “me” that has to die daily, every second of each minute to be the woman, the wife and the mother GOD the FATHER has destined me to be does willingly yield to thee.
This is my prayer… Father in heaven, the GOD above all. I confess my sin of disobedience to YOU. I confess that I didn’t yield to YOUR Holy guidance by taking care of YOUR son. I was selfish. Please forgive me and I repent of my wrongdoing. In JESUS’ name. Amen.