On yesterday, December 23, 2013, I woke to an amazing truth. Something I never quite saw clearly before this day. My heart was in a lonely state. My husband decided this year we would not be investing in a Christmas tree, my immediate family because of heart issues has rendered itself dysfunctional and we have no one coming to visit. To top it off, he and I have our daily mountains to climb. These thoughts were swimming through my mind as soon as the sun hit my face. Ugh, was the only word I could muster up. As I do, I went into my quiet place for quiet time alone with God. His soft words whispered to my heart, “Not today.” “Let go and breathe in my holy grace for it is sufficient.”
I must admit my initial reason for beginning this blog was to reach out to see if there were any people out there that could/would relate to the state of my marriage. I wanted attention and clarification that I’m not crazy. Instead, I got a big slap on the hand! Blogging became an idol within 2-3 days!
So what was the awakening? get to the point! Well, a change of heart, mind and spirit. I woke up realizing that I wanted nothing more than to serve this husband I’d committed my life to. I woke up to the desire to live out my responsibility in this role of wife as wholeheartedly as I can. I woke up to service and sacrifice and unconditional love. I woke up to the notion that once I respect my husband as God has called me to do, without expectations then God would truly use me to change my home. I woke up to a new way of looking at who I am and whose I am. God designed me to love this man in a way no other woman can/will ever love him. What an honor! He has done everything to try to rescue me from the pit of death that I chose to live in for so long and I returned his love with contempt, anger and disrespect. This job I do, I do it for God. Not for what I hope to get back from it. I want Him to say I am well pleased with you My daughter for you did love My son with all your heart.
My hope and prayer is that with prayer this fire that I have, this awakening I’ve experienced guides me for forever, for that is exactly what I’m praying for.
Thank you so much for tuning in.